Mo' Soul

Did you ever feel that long hours online turn you into an aggressive person?
It happens, trust me. iI that sound like you, there's a good chance that you've been online too long and need a break, some fresh air, exercise, a few warm rays of sunlight - and live a little. Since 1999, we've owned a computer and we've been internet users just as long. The amount of information and self- acquired skills is incredible, I personally like visiting alternative sources of information on subjects like politics, news, weather... and not solely rely on the information our t.v. stations have to offer. Since I speak several languages, it's also very interested to not solely rely on American news programs or websites. since "we're at war" there's a limited amount of information on how other countries see "us" and I feel it's important to understand what's going on elsewhere. In this browsing process, we're taken from one catchy headline to the other, you may read something, decide to dig deeper and visit other websites, or you "google" around and find a new, intriguing website and get lost on it.  But while we're on here, doing this, life happens... I'm bitter over the fact that initially, a good portion of my 20s I spent online in chat-rooms when I could've done something more productive, let's say - continue school, work out more, volunteer and make a difference. But at the time, this was new and exciting for me, it provided me with "instant buddies" who seemed to have at least one thing in common with me because it was a chat-room on Yahoo 'auf Deutsch" where people mainly communicated in German and everyday, a group of German expats lurked around in that chat-room. But when Audio and video-chat were introduced, I soon learned that more and more people were lurking in these rooms, pretending to be someone that they're not, some even preying on vulnerable, lonely people. I received camera invitation and soon learned that men turned exhibitionist on cam, exposing themselves and giving me a shock of the lifetime. I didn't ask to see this, wasn't prepared for it and if I saw it, there was a good chance that there were younger users, possibly children who'd be sucked into this type of abuse. Then, blogs became more and more popular and while I was already running several personal websites, this was a new endeavor and before long, I had this figured out, too... creating my own layouts and rss feeds...

That was then, now I'm on Vox.com where everything is so nice and easy, I seldom write as frequently or lengthy as I used to and realized this, I'm not so important. The internet is not so important and will go on with or without me and I learned that the compassionate person that I am, some images and news had a very negative effect on me, making me sad, irritated, concerned, worried. Also, I've noticed something else about myself, the time I'm not on the internet, I'm often on the phone with people who have problems. That's what friends are there for, of course, to give advice and sometimes just to listen, but the same people were hardly there for me when I needed someone, friends?
 So what to do? I decided to cut them loose and in the process I become very unpopular, was called strange, selfish, advised not to isolate myself. But I didn't isolate myself, I took the time out for myself and really evaluate the things that are important, that make this woman and this family better, stronger, more efficient. I decided not to continue to be an emotional trashcan for so-called friends ( or instant therapist) and I also didn't want to drown out life by too many hours online any longer because it had turned me into a moody woman with too many things at once running through her mind. The solution to my issues was a moleskine" but really, any journal is perfect. I like to order my thoughts and journal, bring thoughts, plans, dreams, really anything on paper and get things out of my mind. Unlike my clunky computer of even a notebook, it fits into my purse and can go anywhere I go. Especially women are conditioned to be there for everybody else, conditioned to be selfless and always nice and helpful.
Well, F*** that, for once I want to be like a guy, if I want to do something, I'll go and do it and don't let others discourage or judge me.  I limit my time online and do not allow other people's problems to affect me so much. I found that when I was depressed, there were so many people with open ears, willing to help but the advise I got often still had a hidden agenda, they didn't really want me to get better because they now had a "mission" - something to do, something to talk about. But at closer inspection, I saw that they too had issues, often worse than mine, yet these were never talked about, never admitted, didn't exist officially. In this culture, it is less and less acceptable to appear weak...if you do, you're judged, taken advantage of, ta.ked about...it is more ruthless here in the US than what I've ever experienced when growing up in Europe. As long as you don't bring up religion, politics...you're popular, watch what happens when you have a "real opinion" but I don't like being shallow and making small-talk about the weather. If we have different views on the world, that's okay but don't get all offended if I speak about politics because i happen to be a smart blonde, don't get offended because I don't want to play nice all the time and put on a fake smile. And what's up with everyone using this as a general greeting" How you're doing?" If asked in Europe, that means someone is really concerned and wants to hear "the truth" How rude to ask me how I'm doing and not waiting for me to give you a real answer... other than..."Fine,thank you" Which is all you expect to hear, right? Reality is, I had a sucky day, menstrual cramps, no call back from the job I applied for, too little sleep and not enough coffee. *lol*
Anyway, we're a bunch of shallow people, I'm tired of talking about the weather to other mothers I run into who pick up their kids at the school. Even these friends of mine, always so full of advice, try so hard to convince me their lives are good, if not better than mine, that their husband is so wonderful all the time, that their children are so great in school and have no problems...ha... I see first hand that it isn't so so why pretend. I'm supposed to be your friend, who are we kidding here? I guess I'm just way too nice, open and honest. In that sense, I will never fully become Americanized...and I'm not making excuses for it, either. And now, my online time is up, I'm going to enjoy the rest of this sunny day out on the deck, if I don't pick up my phone...don't be mad, this is my me-time, I will call you back when I feel like it.

I seem to suffer from insomnia, too many things on my mind.
Oh well, night-time is the right time to be creative...
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Cinnamon kisses from my man
... hubby makes good Sunday breakfasts.
Every Sunday, he takes it upon himself to get up earlier than the rest of us and create a scrumptious meal. Last Sunday, this was his latest "invention" - a Coworker of his who has another job at a bakery brought in cinnamon swirl bread for everyone. Hubby turned it into a cinnamon swirl french toast... and it was good! Thanks, baby.

My favorite breakfast remains German Broetchen, though. There's nothing better than those German rolls, fresh from the bakery, soft like puffy clouds in the inside, crunchy on the outside, buttered up with some swiss or Brie cheese, ham, tomatoes, onions or the sweet version, with Nutella or strawberry jelly.
So - what's your favorite Sunday breakfast or brunch??